Anger is overwhelming me just lately and I was
wondering what advice you have to help me control it?
There are so many things, I don't know just
quite where to start. Have you read the link to Anger on the Home Page of
this website? Self love and self esteem, along with lack of forgiveness
could be issues. Relationships - often with others, but more often with
ourselves, can trigger anger and this can stem from emotional issues such as
blame, guilt, judgements, frustration ... and more. I know that I had a
huge issue with anger, which was all part of my grief process.
Anger is one of life's great challenges which
touches all of us at some time in our life. If one continues to allow
anger to be an issue in one's life, without doing something about it, then it
can have severe consequences, including impaired health. Who wants to be
angry all their lives? And remember basically we're doing it to
ourselves.
Anger can become like a habit which is deeply
embedded in the subconscious mind - it's the subconscious mind that we have to
work with. There are a couple of tools that you can start with - perhaps
the book "Switch On To Your Inner Strength" and maybe the meditation tapes (or
CDs): PP9 - Letting Go Anger, PP13 - Inner Peace & Harmony and PP10 - Self
Worth & Confidence. A suggested program is:
1. Buy "Piece of Mind" Pack - read the book and
do the exercises. Keep practising getting to your "Peaceful Place" fast
(this will be explained in the book).
2. Buy the tape (or CD) "A Peaceful Place No. 9
- Letting Go Anger". Do side 1 of this tape (or Track 1 on the CD) and
then do side 2 every day (you will be doing side 2 of this tape whilst you are
reading and doing the exercises from the "Piece of Mind" book) - my guess is
that you would do this for about a month.
Note that I have not addressed relaxation - this
will come automatically by using both the tapes mentioned plus the Piece of
Mind Pack.
If you are able to attend a CALM Life Skills
Seminar in your area it would also address the anger issues.
Although I am not a medical person, from my
observations and (limited) experience I understand that self esteem can be a
major component of anorexia and perhaps not coming to terms with "growing up"
and being responsible for one's own life. There is a very real need to
develop new habits. There is a psychological element to this disorder - and
there is certainly hope for complete recovery.
When facing any adversity, I believe that it is
extremely important to talk about it with an understanding and knowledgeable
counsellor.
It may be difficult for someone
suffering from anorexia to realise that their eating habits are not
"normal" and they may have a distorted view of what is a "normal" body
image. What I believe is that when you recognise a life challenge, or
issue, then you're 50% of the way through the challenge. The next 25% is
saying - Yes, I want to do something about it. The remaining 25% is
doing it - that's what my methods help with - and to be more specific about
this, it is important to use a goal, with visualisation to help re-establish a
healthy, sensible eating regime. In addition, a goal of body image would
be important - to visualise your beautiful self wearing a lovely size 12 dress
(instead of size 8).
Recently I happened to be listening to ABC Radio
National Health Matters program and heard Dr. Norman Swan interviewing Dr Per
Soedersten from Sweden on the topic of Anorexia and Bulimia.
Dr
Per Soedersten goes back to basics, throws out psychiatric theory, stops drugs
and reckons these disorders are explained by progressive starvation and the
profound changes to hormones in the brain which results from this starvation.
His therapy is just about the only treatment for anorexia proven to work in a
scientific trial. Dr Soedersten, a researcher and clinician, is Professor of
Behavioural Neuro-Endocrinology at the Karolinska Institute, Novum, S-141 57
Huddinge, Sweden
Dr Soedersten has amazing success results with
the rate of remission being 75%, and that's full remission. Out of the 25% who
do not go into full remission, half of those go into partial remission. About
10% or 12% do not get better. The risk of relapse is 7%.
In his
treatment, Dr Soedersten does not use any medication at all because he believes
the usual drugs prescribed simply do not work. In fact he believes that the
main anti-depressants prescribed (eg. Prozac) make the condition worse, by
producing the very hormone or chemical transmitter that inhibits eating (ie.
Serotonin, which is prescribed for obese people to lose weight!).
Patients come in to the Institute for one-and-a-half days, for a very careful
clinical examination, and are then divided on the basis of the severity of
their disorder. About 30% are treated as in-patients for an on-average 25 days,
and the others are treated as out-patients. The treatment consists of four
things: training of eating using a computer-scale; warming up in warm rooms;
slowing down the physical activity which is very important. The fourth thing is
to restore social life and for that there is a range of support such as
teachers, hairdressers, dentists and housing officers.
It was a
patient who suggested to Dr Soedersten to use a computer scale, because she
said 'I don't know how to eat, I don't know how to feel when I have had
sufficient.' So, to train them to eat, a patient is asked to estimate their
level of when their appetite is satisfied and they have had enough to eat. The
computer scale is used and the bar is gradually raised.
I am a particularly anxious sort of person and
would like to control this - can you help?
I believe that meditation is the best way
through anxiety. Start off meditating in the morning for ten minutes and
in the evening for ten minutes, and see which timing suits you best (many
people go to sleep at night, when they are trying to meditate, because they're
too tired). Once you've determined this, gradually increase your
meditation to at least half an hour each day. If you think you haven't
got time to do it, then get up earlier in the morning - meditation is better
than sleep. I recommend my tape, or CD, PP5 - Meditation.
Often the cause of anxiety can be fears.
It's best to get to the cause of the fear, and to let this go in
meditation. What actually happens during the meditation is that you can
develop a new habit which over-rides and replaces the fear. I recommend
my tape, or CD, PP15 - Overcoming Fear. You can read more on my website
under Fear or Anxiety.
I am particularly interested in anything that
might help my 13 year old son who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7. He was
put on Ritalin which really helped with his concentration and self control.
Earlier this year we took him off Ritalin because he seemed to have improved so
much but unfortunately this has resulted in him having major problems with his
learning. He just can't concentrate long enough to learn things like
multiplication, long division and all those things he will need when he moves
up a Grade next year. The Ritalin certainly helped him with his school work but
none of us want him to go back on it again. Do you have a book, seminar, course
etc which might help him learn more effectively?
I can
understand the challenge for you, your son and your family and I can also
understand that you do not want him to continue on Ritalin. Interestingly
enough though, just recently I heard a doctor in the field of ADHD speaking on
ABC radio who said that if Ritalin does help a child to concentrate in his
study then it is probably needed - he also said that one can come off Ritalin
later in life (after completion of studies).
Is your son at a
supportive school (and will it be supportive next year)? It is important to
shop around for a supportive school - some schools and teachers are much better
than others.
If possible, make it as enjoyable as possible for your
son to attend school (does he enjoy it?). Is he doing any extra curricular
activities that he really enjoys and looks forward to? And it's always good to
focus on and praise the things that he's really good at. The ability to relax
and release stress - especially for a 13-year old with ADHD - is a very helpful
"tool" in study and coping skills. You could work through the techniques
outlined in "Students Steps To Success", with your son (13 is sometimes still a
little young to do it on his own) - and this will be very helpful, especially
the "Peaceful Place" technique, Goals and Self Esteem.
Your son is old
enough to understand goal-setting and to work with that concept. You will find
information about this in "Students Steps To Success" which works with using
both sides of the brain, relaxation, goals, self esteem and mind charting. All
of these skills can be taught to children by parents and may offer some
additional ideas to use with your son. On my website there are a couple of
chapters of some of my books available for reading (unfortunately not "Students
Steps To Success" however my book "Piece of Mind" is similar). Most of my books
(and sometimes tapes) are available in local libraries and if they're not then
quite often libraries will order in items for people asking.
There are a couple of tapes (or CDs) that complement this book - The Students
Steps to Success Audio Pack (tape or CD double) which includes PP2 - Guided
Imagery, PP10 - Self Worth and Confidence and PP11-Achieving in Exams and
Effective Study. You can read brief descriptions of these at my website. Once
again, the content of the meditation is suitable for younger or less mature
children when modified (mainly shortened) by the parents.
If you
attend the CALM Life Skills Seminar then you will learn the skills at the
seminar, in an experiential way, and be able to pass them on to your son. I do
conduct some Student's Seminars in schools and I recognise that students do not
think that it is "cool" to attend. To overcome this I have filmed the seminar
and reproduced it on Video which, together with a workbook, will replace the
seminar.
Question 2:
I recently attended your CALM Life Skills
Seminar and bought the book "Students Steps To Success". My 11 yr old ADHD son
has difficulty in making friends and thus finds himself becoming the "class
clown" to attract attention. He is fine with one kid at a time but in a group
he demands attention and puts people off. Other children reject, bully and
humiliate him in these circumstances and he now has a belief system that he is
unlikeable and will be isolated for the rest of his life. Can he have a goal
about friends?
Regarding your son having a goal about having friends -
it's a good goal and yes of course it does depend on other people being willing
to be a friend. Remember the statement: "You put out for what you want". In
other words, if you want more love in your life ... you give out love (in the
face of difficulty - which of course can be challenging). In your son's case,
he is going to need to hold the focus in the goal of having a couple of friends
and at the same time he will need to be very friendly. Use what he is good at,
that is "he is fine with one kid at a time" - expand this to include two and
three friends - the visualisation process is good to use. This means he will
need to do everything that a good friend does. Have a chat to him about this
and see if you can reason with him about the demanding behaviour that at the
moment he does exhibit. Teach him about goals, visualisation and positive self
talk. All of this is in the book you bought "Students Steps To Success". There
are no guarantees in life, but we do the best that we can do.
How can I use your techniques to help my child
who wets the bed?
Staying dry at night can be a challenge.
One of the main things is not to draw attention to it excessively - especially
by using negative language. Always use encouraging language, particularly
when the bed is dry ... say "Well done, that's great".
It is also a good idea to work with a goal with
your child. The goal could be something like "I enjoy waking up
being dry as my bladder gets stronger and stronger", and "When I get the
urge to urinate I confidently wake up and go to the toilet". It's
important that visualisation is done with the goal as well, and it
can be done just as your child goes to bed. You can say it to
your child as they're asleep too - it's amazing what
they hear.
Do you have to close your eyes when you relax
and go to your Peaceful Place?
No. Have you ever seen someone else, or caught
yourself, staring. That's the Alpha state. Single focused concentration. You
are not looking at anything when you're staring, but your mind is fixed on a
subject. Small children do it often and easily - you can train yourself to do
it. What about studying in Alpha - of course your eyes remain open.
I would always start from self talk, goals,
meditation and all of this geared towards replacing the negative habits with
the positive habits. I really want to emphasise the importance of self
talk . Becoming aware of precisely how we talk to ourselves is
extremely important. Unfortunately (or fortunately) ... we listen to
ourselves, and we talk to ourselves 50 to 60,000 times a day. Once we
become aware of any negative talk whatsoever, we must do something about
it. It's negative self talk which affects self confidence and self esteem
which can drive you down into depression. I encourage people to start on
a system of recognising self talk and changing it every time to be positive,
this will help. It seems so simple and yet it has far reaching and
dramatic effects.
It is really important to work with goals
because it's from the goal that motivation will develop. You are
expanding your Comfort Zone with whatever it is you want to achieve, and
remember, moving towards the goal is where happiness comes from. In
addition I do believe that meditation is a very powerful tool to help overcome
depression. All these topics are covered in my two-day CALM Life Skills
Seminar.
Question 2
I have registered for your seminar and I would
like to know what I can start doing now, about my depression, as it is a few
months before I see you?
What I believe is that when you recognise a
life challenge, or issue which is holding you back, (which you do) then you're
50% of the way through the challenge. The next 25% is saying - Yes, I want to
do something about it. So you are 75% of the way through - congratulations. The
remaining 25% is doing it - which is what you're asking about - and that's
where my CALM Life Skills methods help.
Here are some alternate
ways and some specific advice as to how you can use my tools and techniques to
help with anxiety and depression.
1. Buy the video of the 3-hour
seminar - "Relax and Release Stress in 30 Seconds" at a cost of $66. This will
physically teach you how to relax and release stress quickly.
2. To
gain further understanding about the mind and work with goals, buy the book
"Piece of Mind" ($22). You will need this to work with goals because having
goals will help pull you out of depression, create motivation and help with
positive self talk.
3. Read my book "Switch On to Your Inner Strength"
($22) and do the tape PP#5 - Meditation ($20).
There is a paper about
Depression on my website with further advice as to a way forward with
depression - make sure you read Cathy's story (Cathy's doctor diagnosed
Clinical Depression).
Question 3:
Below is an exchange of communication which I
had with a seminar participant who was following up about Depression:
I am writing to you in the hope that you might be able to offer me some advice.
I did the CALM Life Skills Seminar a while ago and have found that I got a lot
out of it. I have been focusing on a healing goal around a health problem,
namely depression, which I have had off and on for more than 20 years now. I
have a firm belief that I can use the tools from the workshop, primarily going
to Peaceful place and working on the goal with my emotional anchor etc., to get
to a point where I can live depression free.
Sandy: Good one!
I have however had a few problems recently, with the depression with
anxiety resurfacing again. There are a number of symptoms that I instantly
recognize, that are a kind of precursor to a full on bout. Without going into
too much detail these include anxiety with feelings of irritability, confusion,
forgetfulness and an inability to plan tasks and make decisions. Often even
simple chores such as cleaning and cooking seem like huge tasks. Though I must
explain that these don't happen in a flash or necessarily happen concurrently
but rather kind of build over time or coexist by degrees and often come and go
at different times of the day. I have a fairly high pressure job and these
symptoms tend to lead to further anxiety and, in the past, a kind of a spiral
downward begins which leads to a full-blown bout of depression.
Sandy:
At each time that you have symptoms of irritability then that's the time,
immediately, to use your "circuit breaker" - in other words, your "Peaceful
Place" (PP). Basically you're using this as an interrupt mechanism, telling
yourself that you're aware of being irritable and that you CAN do something
about it.
I have worked on a couple of goals since the seminar, the
first was focusing on the words " I am powerfully experiencing positive and
clear thinking" I found this to be highly effective, especially in matters
surrounding work. After about a couple of months I switched to another goal
which I felt was highly relevant and a bit broader. Initially I worked with the
words " I am motivated, energetic and enthusiastic about life." I worked on
this for several weeks visualizing my joy and energy in a number of areas of my
life. However I found a lot of negative thoughts and self talk increasingly
arose. After discussing this with my partner, who had also taken the workshop,
she pointed out that there wasn't a strong emotional element to this goal. I
then modified it to include the word joyously so that it now is "I am
joyously motivated, energetic and enthusiastic about life"
Sandy: I
think that the approach you've taken is fine - even including the word
"joyously". Remember, you have been working with depression for 20 years - it
is likely that it will take a little while to completely eradicate it. I have
heard of a high profile businessman battling depression, whereby he says that
he has learned techniques that he can use to handle his depression. Apparently
he still sometimes has 2 or 3 days at a time of depression and I understand
that he stays at home during this time, using the techniques much more
frequently. He has said that the frequency of the bouts of depression is
decreasing. To me, I think that by you continually using PP and Goals, plus
positive self-talk, this will have a cumulative, beneficial effect. Please
don't be disappointed if you appear to "regress" at times. Just know that you
will overcome it.
I have worked on this goal going to peaceful place
five times a day, applying my emotional anchor while visualizing myself being
energetic and joyous in a variety of areas of my life for at least three weeks
now. However there seems to be an increase in the types of aforementioned
symptoms that I have experienced and I really want to avoid getting into a deep
depression. I have, as I have said, continued to work with my goal regularly
and so I am having a variety of mixed feelings including doubts, misgivings and
questions, which have prompted me to write to you.
Sandy: Keep doing
this and the answer above this paragraph is relevant.
I should
mention, that I had been on medication prior to taking the workshop but had
decided to stop taking it as I felt a need to prove that it was clearly the
goal, and my own will power that will make this work for me.
Sandy:
Congratulations ! This is an enormous step. Have you acknowledged what you've
done and congratulated "your child within" ? By the way, I have heard other
people tell me that they have found it helpful to go back onto a reduced level
of medication on occasions when they appear to have a particularly challenging
spell - I don't know if this is relevant to you, perhaps you should discuss it
with your doctor ?
Is it usual for the subconscious to fight so hard
and to throw up challenges to my goal in the way that the depression symptoms
might reappear in a kind of last-ditch fight to throw me off my goal focus? Or,
am I missing the point with something around the goal and healing and not
working it in the correct way?
Sandy: Yes, this is absolutely normal -
remember, you've had depression for 20 years, it might take a while to overcome
it. Keep up the good work.
How can I deal with the challenge of dyslexia -
do you have any products that might help?
The journey of dealing with dyslexia is
challenging, and ultimately for those who persist in working with this
challenge, the results can be fortuitous - skills developed along the journey
can often end up being a great advantage in life, sometimes even careers are
developed. For instance, many artists are dyslexic. People with
dyslexia are more often those with high IQs - we just need to find out what
sparks their passion.
It is important to shop around for a supportive
school. Some schools and teachers are much better than others. One of my
personal preferences in this area is the Steiner school system. Consulting an
Educational Kinesiologist can be helpful in the area of dyslexia, especially
with exercises to help with "cross-over" from the left to the right side of the
brain.
Mind Charting is one of the best skills for
dyslexics to learn - by using these they can learn to turn words into picture
or symbol memories. (We know of students who were at the bottom of a
class and came up to the top 10% using this technique). I think the best
material I have to help is the "Students Steps to Success" book which works
with using both sides of the brain, relaxation, goals, self esteem and mind
charting. Most of my information suits students 13 years old and upwards,
however I do encourage parents to teach children who are younger than
this. I have tapes (or CDs) that go with this book and the tape content
is suitable when modified - mainly shortened - by parents
What is an emotional anchor and what is it used
for?
Emotion is the language of the subconscious
mind. In other words it is the actual feeling of emotion that helps
us imprint on the subconscious mind - that is, memory. For example, we
can easily recall any good, or bad, event that's happened in our lives.
Why is that? It's because of the emotion that was involved.
In my CALM Life Skills Seminar we build an
Emotional Anchor (you can have anchors for anything). So what we do is
recall good past events, feel the emotion of each of these events and
put that emotion into an anchor. The anchor that I
advise people to use is a physical movement, eg. moving your
thumb over your forefinger, or touching your forehead, or pulling your ear
lobe. It must be the same movement each time. To build the
Anchor, as you experience the emotion of the event, you make that chosen
physical movement.
To use the Anchor it's the process in
reverse. As you say your goal (after you reach your PP) you then
visualise it and feel good about the achievement of the goal - just as you feel
good about achieving your goal, you give yourself that movement (your Emotional
Anchor) which will send a charge of positive emotion through you ... and
remember that emotion is memory. So this action is actually imprinting
the success of the goal into the subconscious mind. When your
subconscious mind has got it then you will have 100% of the mind working
towards the goal. Unfortunately when we do goals with just the conscious
mind, the subconscious mind can sabotage you, because it hasn't got the
goal.
Question 2:
When I'm in my PP doing my goal, do I create the
feelings of success by visualising the accomplishment of my goal and then use
my emotional anchor?
Yes. You can actually use the
visualisations of achieving your goal and also use all the visualisation of
the reasons why you want to achieve that goal and the fantastic feelings
of success that go with that achievement.
Question 3:
Now that I have established my emotional anchor
through the guided imagery exercise on PP2 Guided Imagery Tape, do I have to
keep practising that same exercise or is the emotional anchor now
established?
It's established, and it always needs "topping
up". This can be done by going to past good events, or as soon as
really good events happen, then do it straight away.
Question 4:
I did not get any physical feeling in my body
when I formed my emotional anchor – how does this effect me using
it?
Many of us have been taught not to show our
emotions – 'sign of weakness', 'don't cry', etc., and our bodies have
learned to suppress the resultant physical feelings. With practice in recalling
pleasant emotional events (using the Peaceful Place No. 2 tape is a great way)
we can get in touch not only with more positive events, but the physical
feeling as well. The goal process is just as powerful, even when you don't
recognise the physical feeling: apply your emotional anchor and at the same
time recall quickly the good positive event, and how you felt at that time.
This of course adds to the good feeling of seeing yourself succeed in your
goal. By doing this there is a resultant emotion, which you may not at first
recognise, but this helps to indelibly imprint the success of your goal in your
subconscious mind.
Question 5:
I find it hard to feel emotional about anything
- any suggestions?
Go to your Peaceful Place and think of good
events in your life. If necessary go to a time when you where a child and there
was a special event like receiving a present – birthdays, Christmas,
parties, picnics, etc. Then listen to the tape a Peaceful Place No. 2 (Guided
Imagery), side two, once again (you can't do it too often). You will find that
recalling the good event, with you knowing you felt good at that time will be
sufficient to start the cycle of emotion and feelings to take effect. You will
probably also find that emotions will "loosen up" and come to the surface. This
process is to be encouraged.
Question 6:
My negative emotion invades me in my Peaceful
Place - what can I do about it?
Negative emotion can often tend to dominate our
thought processes, acting like a protection mechanism, eg. "…this is
what happened before…" Treat the negative emotion just like an invading
thought. You have power over it (the thought) so just let it go - in one ear
and out the other, or attach it to a never ending escalator, or put it in a
plane flying overhead. You must actually do this in your mind over and over
again until it goes.
Question 7:
Does the emotion used in establishing the
Emotional Anchor need to be the same type of emotion when emotionalising
a goal?
The emotion that you bring back with your
Emotional Anchor is actually the physical feeling of feeling good. It need not
have any relationship to the goal at all. You're converting emotion to a
feeling in the body; how it was originally created doesn't matter (as long as
the experience was positive). What was it that I said about the subconscious
mind? It does not know the difference between reality and imagination. So
you're fooling the subconscious mind with the use of the emotion, by only
tapping into the physical feeling, not the circumstances, when you use your
Emotional Anchor. Here's an example - your goal might be to buy a house;
as you're doing your goal in your PP up comes the good emotion for example, of
excelling in several sporting achievements (which you've already put into your
emotional anchor) - so is that OK? Yes, of course, because it's all
positive emotion, and emotion is the language of the subconscious mind.
Question 8:
I don't get any physical feeling when I remember
the good event. What should I do?
That's OK. Just apply the Anchor when you are
re-living the event in your mind because you know or imagined you felt good at
the time. Some people find it difficult to express emotion - maybe they have
been taught to suppress it, keep a stiff upper lip, don't cry, don't be
vulnerable, etc. Just make it OK to re-live the event without the emotion and
gradually the emotion will start coming through for you.
Question 9:
What if I don't easily recall good events in my
life to build my Emotional Anchor?
What you can do is to start building your Anchor
each day. If you've done something you feel good about - pat yourself on the
back and anchor that feeling. If someone says to you "You look great today", or
"I really like what you're wearing" – feel good about that and anchor
that feeling. This will help you to build your Emotional Anchor and keep it
topped up ready to use for your goals - or to feel good.
I put things down and then can't find them. Help
please!
The major reason is that you didn't pay
attention to where you put them, that's why you don't know where they are. Take
just a fraction of a second to pay attention to where you put them. For one
fraction of a second look at the spot where you are going to put something
down, let's say your wallet, and pretend to yell "wallet" inside your mind. It
could be "wallet" and "table" to associate the fact that your wallet is on the
table. That's all, just for one fraction of a second. Now for that one fraction
of a second it's like recalling your mother's maiden name. You access Alpha,
for that one fraction of a second starting at the spot where you put your
wallet and saying "WALLET", "TABLE"! That triggers the memory response inside
your mind. In fact you open up your filter of the Reticular Activating System.
Try that – it works!
Below is a Question and Answer Session I had at
a follow up seminar which seems to cover a lot of ground, and summarises many
of the aspects of goals.
Why is goal-getting challenging?
Because it represents new learning experiences
and change?
Why are learning experiences challenging?
Because they take place outside your Comfort
Zone and make some people feel stressful, inadequate or uncomfortable.
How can relaxation help?
By relaxing, you're able to put your goals into
your subconscious mind and achieve them faster and without stress. This is
because:
a. With relaxation, your body is relaxed whilst
your mind is receptive. The "Filter" between the conscious and the subconscious
mind is open, allowing information to pass easily into (or out of) your
subconscious mind. This mind is the storehouse for memory, habits, personality
and your self image.
b. It's a fact that the subconscious mind
doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality. You can put your
goal (whatever you want to achieve) into your subconscious mind as thought it's
already true. Once your subconscious mind – the 88% part of your mind
– has got it, then it becomes reality to the conscious mind – the
other 12%. This way goals happen faster.
So what is the conscious mind's role in
obtaining goals?
Decision making, desire and direction of the
subconscious mind. Once you know what you want to achieve - a better mark in an
exam, a good relationship with your parents, to do well in your sporting
pursuits - then it's the job of the conscious mind to get the goals into the
subconscious.
If you know you want to achieve something
consciously then why tell the subconscious mind?
The answer to that question is the real key to
success. The role of the subconscious mind is to keep you in your Comfort Zone
with all the habits that you have now. If you want to change habits this can be
stressful and therefore rejected by the subconscious mind. The conscious mind
makes the decision to go for the goal and then reprograms it into the
subconscious mind, in the relaxed state – this then means that both
minds work in co-operation with each other.
Is there much conflict between the two
minds?
Yes there can be. The conscious mind wants the
goal and the subconscious mind wants to keep you where you are right now and
presents delays, doubts and obstacles to keep you from getting the goal. The
conscious mind's job is to transfer what you want to achieve into the
subconscious mind, where once in, it will become the new habit. When the
subconscious mind has got it, then you achieve it… faster.
Can this be made any easier?
Yes, by getting as much support as you can
possibly muster. Support means anything/anyone that will help you achieve your
goal. It's important to share your goal with only those people who will support
and help you. This support may come from friends, family and teachers. The main
thing is to ask for what you want – you deserve it!
Can you have a happiness goal?
One of the things that the science of dreams has
shown is that happiness is a journey. Happiness comes from moving towards a
goal, not actually getting it. In fact, to remain happy, always have a goal
that you are working towards. A famous guru describes the secret of happiness
as "BE HAPPY". In other words a verb – a doing word. ATTITUDE is a real
key – you can't buy happiness, can you? I'll be happy when I get through
school. I'll be happy when I get a job. I'll be happy when I get a great
partner. I'll be happy when I'm married. I'll be happy when we have a house.
I'll be happy when we have children. I'll be happy when we go overseas. I'll be
happy when… Have you seen or heard this before? Just remember BE HAPPY
– it's an attitude.
How do you deal with failure?
Well, it's true that only one person can come
first in the 100 metre dash. So what about the person that comes second?
Attitude once again is the answer. Believing that the failure is in fact "a
hiccup in a forward direction" is a great start. Learning from "failure" and
then modifying the goal is a good way forward. Knowing that you've done the
best you can do – your personal best – is good, positive self
talk. Another thing – sometimes failure happens when we're not "on
course". We could be going for a goal which is not in harmony with our life's
purpose or values. There is a part of us, inside, that knows what's right or
wrong for us. If we go against what we know is right then we feel
uncomfortable. "Failing" may be a signal to get back on track with what we
really want. I know of so many people who have just missed out on a particular
course – sometimes by ¼ of a mark. This has set them on a
completely new course and, years later, they were really glad about that.
Is guilt part of that uncomfortable feeling?
Yes, it can be. For instance, you may have a
study goal and want to do really well in a test next week. Your friends
convince you to go to a movie but you don't enjoy it because you're worried and
feeling guilty about not being at home studying! Guilt is pointless. If you go
to the movie – enjoy it. If you muck up over something or make the wrong
choice, do whatever is necessary to correct it and get back on track. Don't
hang on to the guilt – it's unnecessary and you can't turn back
time.
Question 2:
I have the goals written down and need to look
at the paper to remember the wording of each one. How does that affect my
alpha state when I open my eyes to read?
If you have to do this, then just do one goal at
a time. By this time I reckon you'll know them off by heart, without
having to look at the paper.
Question 3:
Can you point me in a direction that may allow
me to work out how to apply my "Peaceful Place" meditation to specific
goals?
Two ways of getting goals into the subconscious
mind ... fast way - is the 30 second 8-steps method where you write out
your goal, visualise the success of your goal and emotionalise it (emotion
being the language of the subconscious mind).
The second way is by meditation in the Theta
state. If the specific goal is not addressed on any of the meditation
tapes (or CDs) that I have - PP3 to 15, - then the only way is to write it out
and make your own tape. The words actually say the goal and describe the
visualisation and then of course describe the emotionalisation. (All this
of course is done using PP and then going down through the colours, etc...
)
Question 4:
Can you use your subconscious mind for multiple
goals?
When you deliberately work at achieving goals
faster by using the subconscious mind, then we really only think of one thing
at a time. So after you've reached your "Peaceful Place" and you're now
through the Reticular Activating Filter, working with the subconscious mind,
you say the goal, you visualise the goal, you emotionalise it and then let it
go. Now you've done one goal - which is only one topic. Now you can
go on to a 2nd goal and do the same thing. And then a 3rd and 4th, etc... You
do not think of all the goals at once - you do them one after the other.
With the conscious mind we can think of up to 9 things at a time, that is for
example, when you're driving a car - you can think of the car in front, the car
behind, the truck on the left, the bus on the right, listening to the radio,
listening to your passengers, getting directions from your spouse, reading a
road sign, etc... This is the conscious mind.
Question 5:
If I've got a goal to increase my weight and
lead a fit and healthy lifestyle, should I go out and book into a gym and
weight lifting program straight away?
I'd wait a while and instead start straight away
imagining your goal coming true after going to your Peaceful Place and using
your Emotional Anchor. What will happen is you will "fall in love" with the
idea of being fit and healthy and after a couple of weeks (after your Reticular
Activating System has found you the best membership deal in town) you'll be
practically bursting down the walls to get into the gym and it'll be a joy to
be there.
If you go immediately without reprogramming your
subconscious mind, it will be conscious mind "will power" that is at work.
Exercising will power makes it difficult and boring. If at some stage you stop
using your will power, then it is very easy to slip back into old ways –
that old habit is still in your subconscious mind.
First change the old habit to the one that you
want, and you'll love every minute of your new fit and healthy lifestyle.
Question 6:
How important is having a goal?
One of the things that the science of dreams has
shown is that happiness is a journey. Happiness comes from moving towards a
goal, not actually getting it. To remain happy always have a goal that you are
working towards. A famous guru describes the secret of happiness as "BE HAPPY".
In other words a verb – a doing word.
Question 7:
My goal is to build up my body and I chose an
intermediate goal to help me, this being weight lifting, which I have never
done. What do I do now?
Before you start physically weight lifting you
bring in your goal, see yourself doing weight lifting, enjoying it, see your
body developing the way you want, feel good about yourself and use your
Emotional Anchor. After two weeks or so you will have an attitude of "let me at
those weights" – and you'll do it.
Question 8:
My goal seems so distant, as I know it cannot
happen for several years. What do you suggest I do?
It is important to break down your goal into
what is achievable in – five years, one year and perhaps one month. The
monthly goal is a stepping stone to the yearly goal, and the annual goal is a
stepping stone towards the five year goal. It is best to concentrate on your
monthly goal which then is not so distant and you know you are achieving.
Question 9:
I have several goals I'd like to work on.
What is the best way to work on these in my Peaceful Place? One after the
other at the one session? Or is it better to porpoise in and out and
do a different one each time?
Either way is fine - I do all mine together,
that is, say each goal, visualise the goal, apply Emotional Anchor, let it go
and then say the next goal, etc...
Question 10:
How do I know whether it's the wrong goal or
just another challenge along the way?
It's important to ask yourself and then listen
to what your inner voice is telling you - particularly in meditation. You can
learn how to tell the difference between what's right for you or what you want,
rather than just do something because your acquaintances tell you what's best
for you.
Question 11:
Sometimes, no matter what I do, I can't get my
goal – what can I do?
First, answer the following question: "What
stops me getting my goal?"
Now, put a blue line under those things OUTSIDE
yourself which stop you getting your goal, eg. no money, someone else beats me
to it, my friends knock the idea and discourage me. Put a red line under those
things INSIDE yourself that stop you getting your goal, eg. lack of confidence
and courage, takes too long and I get bored, I keep changing the goal, lose
enthusiasm, talk to myself negatively.
Know that you have control over all the things
that have a red line under them. Remember, you talk to yourself 50,000 times a
day and when you talk negatively to yourself – who listens? YOU DO
– and what's more, your subconscious mind believes you! This is
called self sabotage.
And believe it or not, you also have control
over some of the things with the blue line under them. For instance, if your
friends knock you for wanting to spend a lot of time studying, you make the
final decision – to join them or to keep studying. It might not be an
easy decision, but one you alone should make. If people are negative all the
time, you choose whether or not to be with them.
What about when someone beats you to your goal,
or is better than you? You also have control over that situation
because…
IT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS,
IT'S HOW YOU RESPOND
TO IT
THAT'S IMPORTANT.
Someone else may have "won", but it's your
attitude to the result, and your own achievement that counts. It's your
attitude to what happens that's the important thing. Respond negatively then
you really are the loser. Respond positively and use it as a learning
experience and you win no matter what!
What if I don't get the goal?
As I said before, you have control over your
attitude to the end result - not everybody can come first in the 100 metre
race. It depends on what you do once you know you haven't got your goal.
Another good clue is to use self talk like… "I've done the best that I
can do"… or … "I've done my personal best" … or …
"Whatever happens it's for the highest good." Answer the following question:
"So what are some of the things I can do if I don't get my goal?"
Remember, if you fail when doing goals, then you're "failing" in a forward
direction, and you can actually learn from that "failure". Here's a
perfect example of this. My friend's daughter from the second year in
High School wanted to be a lawyer. The entrance mark into Sydney
University was 98.5 - she got 98.2 and just missed out. She was
devastated and decided to do Economics/Law instead. Unfortunately for the
first six months she was still depressed and then she decided to do well in the
exams. At the end of the year, after doing well, she had the choice
of transferring to Law and thus fulfill her dream. She decided against it
and topped Economics/Law. Today she is so happy that she didn't get into
Law, because she was able to pursue another career which she absolutely
loved. My question ... did she fail?
Question 12:
What happens if I have lots of goals?
Do the following exercise…
What are all my goals?
1. Now group them
into similar subjects.
2. Number them in order of preference.
3. Go for
the first one in each group.
Question 13:
What do I do when I have conflicting goals?
Ask yourself "What's most important to me?".
"What fits in with my values?". Think about what you want to do several years
down the track and ask "Which goal will best help me get there"? Then
prioritise your goals, ie. put them in the order in which you want to achieve
them.
Question 14:
How long before my goal comes true?
It depends on how often you tell your
subconscious mind and how much emotion you use and of course what is
realistic.
Lots of Repetition + Lots of
Emotion = Faster & Easier Goal Achievement. Why is this
so? Because the 88% of the Subconscious Mind has got the goal, the 12% of the
conscious mind wants the goal and now you have 100% going for the goal, with
all good, positive self-talk.
Question 15:
How can porpoising affect goals?
If you do porpoising 20 times a day, 30 seconds
each time – that's 10 minutes a day – after a month it will be
automatic and you will be able to:
automatically release stress in 30 seconds
easily reprogram your subconscious mind with
your goal so that it becomes habit
tap into your creativity – especially
in longer sessions in your Peaceful Place
I encourage people to talk about their grief and
about their Loved Ones. "Forgetting" about events is almost impossible and in
many cases not even desirable. There is no doubt that life tests us all
and many of us go through more than others - there often seems to be neither
rhyme nor reason that we can fathom. Hatred and anger can be destructive
forces in our lives I believe that they can be addressed and "worked
through". When facing any adversity, I believe that it is extremely
important to discuss it and work with what is at hand. Not talking about
it is the worst thing one can do, because this can lead to the subconscious
mind handling it with nightmares, hot sweats, unexplained anger, irrational
action and PTSD. The emotion around the event is what actually causes the
memory of the event. If bringing the negative event to mind causes pain in the
way of anger, hostility, blame, hurt etc, then one is hurting oneself. For
instance whenever I think of my daughters I may be guilty of thinking,
momentarily, of their horrific death but I now immediately replace the negative
thought with fond, loving memories.
My book "Switch On to Your Inner Strength" may
be helpful. You can read about it and see the first couple of chapters on this
website.
Question 2:
Are there any other books you can recommend
which deal with grief?
Here are the names of some books that may be
helpful with grief (along with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's books, which are some of
the best-known ones). "Life After Life" mentioned below, has an Introduction by
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:
Name of Book Author ISBN #
Coping
with Grief Mal McKissock 0-7333-0236-X
Life After Life Raymond A Moody,
Jr., MD 0-553-24452-3
Life After Death Neville Randall 0-552-11487-1
Everyone's Guide to the Hereafter Ken Akehurst through G.M. Roberts
0-85435-414-X
The Awakening Heart Betty J. Eadie 0-671-55878-1
Question 3:
I am really struggling with my attachment to my
ex-partner. I have purchased your tapes, but i can't recall all of the topics -
is one of those useful for learning to 'let go'? I seem to be quite stuck- any
thoughts?
I don't have a specific tape for letting go, however 2
thoughts come to mind. The first is that we really don't need the love of
another person to happily survive, if we love ourselves enough - the tape (or
CD) PP13 - Inner Peace & Harmony is the tape that really addresses this
area (sometimes I recommend the tape (or CD) PP10 - Self Worth & Confidence
when I perceive this to be the issue).
The second thought that comes
to mind is that the process of letting go was discussed and observed in the
film "A Leap of Faith" during the seminar and we saw how Debbie actually "said"
to her dead parents that she needs to let them go to get on with her life (I've
just realised that you haven't done the seminar yet). I actually address this
in the book "Switch On to Your Inner Strength" so perhaps this book may be an
avenue of assistance.
After understanding both the above processes,
make a decision to let go and then actually bring the person into your mind
during meditation - send all your love to that person "for the highest good of
all concerned" and then say "I now let you go" - do this several times. A
meditation tape (or CD) that you could play while doing this is PP5 -
Meditation.
My mother is very sick with cancer and I have
had a recommendation to look at what you do. Could you please give me a brief
summary of your philosophy before I take any action?
The proven
science of psycho-neuro-immunology is such that with meditation we can actually
increase our T-4 (fighting) cells within our immune system. Sometimes this
strengthening of our immune system can be sufficient to neutralise cancerous
cells and thus put the cancer into remission. Of course, other than the
physical causes of cancer, there are many other factors that can cause or
contribute to cancer, for instance the increased stress that we have within the
body, caused through negative emotions such as blame, guilt, anger, revenge,
hatred, grief, mental self-abuse, and more. Indeed there is a cancer now known
as stress-induced cancer.
All of the things that we do in life,
which can contribute to ill health, we can undo - specific meditations are one
of the best ways towards this. Many doctors teach about this and I would
recommend the books by Dr Bernie Siegal - being "Love, Medicine &
Miracles", "Peace, Love and Healing" as being particularly useful. There are no
iron-clad guarantees in life and not even the medical profession speaks of
"cure" when they're dealing with cancer - they speak about "remission". There
are many positive outcomes of healing from people using the methods that I
espouse - including many successes of coming through cancer.
Many
people are unaware that their own thinking is negative and that this negativity
can contribute towards illness. Awareness here is the key - and it is 100%
correct to say that one thing we do have control over is how we handle whatever
happens to us in life. I certainly believe that many times people can get
cancer and the end result can be death - I say that this means that it is their
time to die. I also believe that many people who are given the "death sentence"
of say six months to live, can increase their life span or indeed overturn this
"sentence".
It is important of course to have the best medical
attention available - and then to have faith in your doctor, yourself and your
treatment. Spiritual faith is also very important for a lot of people. I think
it is extremely important for people not to just entirely rely on what others
can do for them but to take a pro-active role and be involved in their own
healing. This includes that for any illness or disorder that one may have,
learn about it and get to know all the "ins and outs" and "dos and dont's".
Check out relevant websites and nutritional supplementation. Shop around for a
good doctor - one whom you trust and who will support you - this is all
important.
A lot more detail about this particular subject is in my
book "Switch on to Your Inner Strength".
Question 2:
I am currently using meditation and deep
relaxation and feel I could do more to heal myself. Can you tell me more about
the 'healing tape' and how to get it?
The Tape or CD PP4 -
Healing Yourself is a meditation where I speak over the music created by Ken
Davis - "Our World" from "Pan Flutes with Nature". Using guided imagery and
your own visualisation you work towards dealing with an illness by directing
your mind and activating your own immune system. And of course this technique
is to be used in combination with others including having faith in your doctor,
your treatment, yourself and your spiritual faith - whatever is true for you.
You can contact CALM Pty Ltd to get the tape ($20 + $4 for P&P)
or the CD ($25 + $4 for P&P) or by using a credit card you can order via
the Internet.
Question 3:
My mother has a cancerous growth where she had a
hysterectomy 2 years ago. She has had several courses of chemotherapy but the
latest one has been unsuccessful in shrinking the growth and her negative state
of mind does not help the situation. Her attitude is "it is still there and I'm
dying", regardless of the fact that she is still alive and there is hope. My
father died of cancer two and a half years ago and this plays on her mind to a
large extent. Do you have any suggestions? Which one of your products do you
think will assist us the most?
One of the things that you would really
need to do, is to actually ask your Mother does she want to get better, or does
she want to die.
Attitude is an enormous component of recovery.
Hope can heal. My book "Switch On to Your Inner Strength" is one that actually
covers this area (as does my CALM Life Skills 2-day seminar.) In the book and
at the seminar we actually discuss a true story about a lady who also had the
attitude of "Nothing can be done" - she also had the thought of "runs in the
family" because her mother died of cancer. Luckily, with help and support, she
changed her mind and actually put her cancer into remission. Meditation has
helped many people in their fight with cancer and I would also suggest my
guided imagery tapes or CDs: PP3 - Releasing Hurt, PP4 - Healing Yourself &
PP5 - Meditation (you can see brief descriptions of all of these on my
website.) Dr. Bernie Siegal's books are also excellent - two that immediately
come to mind are "Love, Medicine and Miracles" and "Peace, Love and Healing".
Petrea King and Ian Gawler are people who have written books after healing
their own cancer.
Has your mother taken a nutritional approach at all?
I know of many people who have gone down this path with a very superior
nutritional product which has produced great results.
Question 4:
I'm having hard time setting my goals. My
husband is now diagnosed with cancer. Before this happened my goals were
letting go anger, releasing weight and forgetting about pain in my broken leg.
Now, I can't set my goal to be healing from cancer because I'm not the one
suffering from cancer. I wonder if making my goal as self discipline or self
control or something like that is valuable? Maybe in this way I won't fall
apart emotionally as I'm going through the situation I have now. But I wonder
if they are not specific enough to have as a goal....What I'm doing right now
is meditation to help with stress in my confused state. Could you please advise
me what to do?
The first thing is to look after yourself so that you
can help your husband. This means that you must be totally relaxed, focused,
positive, confident and supportive. You cannot do your husband's goals for him.
Much as you want him to get better, he is the one that has to do "the work".
All you can do is support, encourage and be really positive about his recovery.
So I'll address your goals first.
The Meditation - PP3 - Relasing
Hurt, will address the pain in your leg. The Meditation PP9 - Letting Go Anger,
will address the anger issue. I would tend to not concentrate on weight release
right now - do this later. By doing these 2 tapes (or CDs) on alternate days,
you will also address relaxation and help with the anxiety in your life. This
will also help with being emotionally strong and stable. One goal for you to
work on as outlined in the book "Piece of Mind" could be ... "I am a positive,
confident, stable person, supporting my husband effectively." And then of
course you would be visualising all the situations that you find yourself in -
being able to show confidence, stability, strength, etc...
Now, as to
your husband. Get him to read "Piece of Mind" first and understand it. Get him
to go to my website and read the paper on healing, which includes some
testimonials. The link is: http://www.calm.com.au/pages/02cancer.shtml
The next step is for him to read the book "Switch On to Your Inner
Strength" which covers the topic of cancer and what you can do with your mind.
And then get the tape (or CD) PP4 - Healing Yourself. This one should be done
at least twice a day.
You could start investigating other material in
this area, particularly by Dr. Bernie Siegel - "Love, Medicine & Miracles",
"Peace, Love & Healing", etc...
It is important to get onto
a good diet and probably some immune-strengthening supplementation. He should
be under a good, supportive doctor who indeed also supports and monitors him in
doing every alternative therapy that he can. The main thing is that hope can
heal - hope is a "live" message (hopelessness is a "die" message). So being
very positive about the illness and looking at it as being like a "Re-set
button" - another challenge in life (albeit a big one). All this is described
in "Switch On to Your Inner Strength". I've also
attached a Protocol (program for people with cancer to follow).
Question 5:
One of the things I want to do is get rid of my
migraines. I know they are related to both stress and muscle tightness in my
shoulders and neck (which in itself is stress related). Since doing your CALM
Life Skills Seminar there is some improvement although I have still had several
bad migraines. I do my PP on average about 15 times a day. Weekends are still a
bit of a challenge with a different schedule, but I am starting to make a
difference there. I have also tried the healing meditation you taught us, and
while this has made some difference, I have not yet been able to remove the
pain of the migraine completely. I had a migraine last Friday and then again on
Sunday, and tried the healing meditation on both days. It did make some
difference, but I had to resort to taking painkillers on Sunday to be able to
keep going, and spent several hours in bed on Friday. Could you please pass on
any suggestions you might have?
If your stress increases migraine,
then what you can do is get rid of the stress. The best way to get rid of
stress is to meditate for half an hour daily (going to PP will help - but
deeper stress is released at the deeper Theta level achieved during
meditation).
Do you feel a warning that you have a migraine coming on?
If you do then it's good to at least have a warning signal because then you can
start doing something about it. What do you do? I recommend that you learn PP3
- Pain Release Tape or CD so that you can basically do it in your mind in about
2 or 3 minutes. The only thing is, you will not be able to go down to the Theta
level in this short time frame - that's OK. When you feel the signs of a
migraine coming on, then immediately go to your PP and do the Pain Release
meditation (PP3) - you can continue to do this as often as you wish. I think
this will be more effective than doing PP4 - Healing Yourself.
What
else have you done about your migraines? I know many people who have also taken
alternative health treatments, including vitamin supplement therapy - perhaps
you could consider this approach as well
Can hypnosis be used together with your method
of relaxation?
Hypnosis is when someone else is doing the work
and implanting thoughts in your mind. Self hypnosis is when you are doing
it yourself and totally in control of yourself. The method of meditation
that I espouse is active meditation whereby the guided imagery is suggested and
the individual listening to the tape does the work inside their mind, creating
the scenes and their own words. In this way you are able to influence
your own subconscious mind with new thoughts - that's how you change
habits. So I think yes, hypnosis can be used along with the meditation
methods I espouse.
Sleep issues are often caused by stress and
possibly other issues in your life, for example anger and fear. The
"Piece of Mind" Pack is helpful in overcoming these issues - read the book and
do the exercises. Keep practising getting to your "Peaceful Place"
fast. The tape, or CD, "A Peaceful Place No. 12 - Making Sleep Easy
& Useful" is another tool which may be helpful.
After learning the method of going to your
Peaceful Place, you can do this during the day - particularly at any time that
stress occurs. Then when you go to bed at night, you will have already have
released some of your stress, so will not have a build up of stress just prior
to going to sleep. You can now go to your Peaceful Place whilst in bed,
then tell yourself that you're going to sleep whilst in your PP. You may
need to play the tape if you start to feel too stressed to tell yourself the
steps of the process of going into your Peaceful Place (especially if you
haven't been able to practise during the day).
When you've mastered getting to your PP, you
could use a meditation method to take you to sleep. This is described in
my tape, or CD, "A Peaceful Place No. 12 – Making Sleep Easy and
Useful", which you would use in bed, with the light off, ready to go to
sleep.
Question 2:
I often wake up during the night and find it
difficult to get back to sleep - any suggestions?
The main thing to do is to break the pattern of
not being able to go to sleep again. What I suggest is to get out of bed,
and then commence the normal routine you use to go to sleep at night. By
this I mean, you may need to sit in front of the TV for ten minutes, or read
for ten minutes, and/or to have a glass of warm milk. Then you go to bed and
either just go to your PP telling yourself that you're going to have a good,
sound sleep and wake up at ...... 7am (for example), or, you may need to play
the tape or CD PP12 - Making Sleep Easy and Useful.
What if we're listening to a good news station
– at some stage they're bound to come through with some bad news. How do
I handle the bad news?
Yes, what you're saying is so true and bad news
can be the source of negative thoughts. If you're expecting it, for example at
"News Time", you could turn it off. There will always be bad news. A way of
handling the bad news, to the best of your ability, is to treat it as a thought
you don't want, ie. just let it go. Another thought is to just treat the news
as information, ie. don't put on it the connotation of good news or bad news.
Of course you can always control the TV and radio program that you tune
into. As far as newspapers are concerned, you can choose what to read or
what NOT to read – you're the boss. I'd suggest to you to be very
discerning.
Colours vibrate - red, being the
outside of the rainbow, vibrates with a much greater wavelength than orange and
then orange is greater than yellow, and so on. So when you go through the
colours of the rainbow, starting from red and finishing with violet, then this
is used as an induction process to take you from the Alpha brainwave state to
the Theta state. The Theta state is the meditation state. As we go
through the colours the vibration is getting finer and finer - this is what
takes us deeper.
Question 2:
How do you know when you are in the meditation
state?
The most common method is by not being able to
feel your body. Your mind is extremely aware and you're in total focus -
you just lose the awareness of your body. Another way that some people
can tell is by their arms feeling either extremely heavy, or light - likewise
their legs. Another way that some people can tell is that they can
actually feel their REM (Rapid Eye Movement).
Question 3:
How long and how often should I do the
meditations from the CHI book?
Basically, the answer is that it is an
individual choice. For some people doing each meditation just the once is
sufficient. For others they feel they may like to do it a 2nd, 3rd (or
more) time - especially in the area of forgiveness. It's a good
idea to do any meditation at any time that you feel the need, and to make it
part of your life.
Question 4:
Is it OK for children to do meditation? And have
you got any suggestions of books where we can find meditations for
children?
Yes, it's fine for children to meditate.
Remember that the number of minutes that they can hold their focus is two, plus
their age. So for very young children, it would be quite a challenge to
meditate for longer than five to ten minutes. However, someone who is 13
years old could be able to meditate for twenty minutes. Many of my
meditation tapes and CDs have been used successfully for 13 year
olds. However, if a parent wants to teach the techniques to their 7 or 8
year old, then I suggest they modify and shorten the meditation.
As to suggested books, the words to meditations
are printed in each one of my books. I have found useful the following
books by Maureen Garth, published by Collins Dove-Victoria
1. Sunshine
2. Starlight
3. Moonbeam
4. The Inner Garden (Meditations For Life From
9-90).
Do you cover recall and memory – and, can
these be improved?
Yes, absolutely – that is covered in my
books and seminars and there are some exercises. The books tell you about
memory and how it occurs and how you'll be able to put information into the
brain whereby you'll be able to recall more easily. Our memory is fantastic
– it's recall that we need to improve and to do this we need to
take the correct action to ensure that the information goes to long term
memory. The main book is "Students Steps To Success" Chapter 17 - Memory.
In this chapter we summarise 22 ways of improving your memory.
Question 2:
I keep forgetting small things like my pen or
business cards and I think I'm losing my memory. Can you use Alpha to
assist?
When do you remember that you have forgotten
something? Oh, as soon as you leave your house? Well, then do you say "Oh darn
I've forgotten my keys!" (or whatever it might be)? When you're saying "forget"
you're reinforcing "forget" in the subconscious mind. I forgot, I forgot, I
forgot. Do you know it's not even the truth! The truth is you've just
remembered your keys! If you always say, "I just remembered my keys", then what
you're reinforcing in the subconscious mind is remember. "I just remembered my
keys." So, change your self talk, that is really important. Positive language
is very, very important. Remember self talk becomes self esteem and our self
esteem becomes our self image and the way we actually act in life.
Question 3:
I am interested in the memory aspect of your
program. I have tried a pegging system in the past and found it difficult.
Could you explain in detail how the memory procedure works and any other
relevent information?
There are many things that affect memory and
there are many memory methods. On this website you can see what I believe to be
the major component of memory, which is the ability to work with the
subconscious mind, using a relaxation method. In my book, "Students Steps to
Success" I describe in one chapter - devoted to Memory - 22 different ways of
improving memory. Within the book, and within my seminars, many of these 22
different ways are actually covered.
Some specific ways to improve
memory such as Memory Pegging, The Journey, and more ... are not all taught by
me - however I summarise them, and give examples. I am more concerned with
teaching people how to use their memory so that they can improve their study
skills. One of these major methods is Mind Charting - this I do teach.
What I suggest you do is to examine the Chapter on Memory in my book "Students
Steps to Success" - which you may be able to do at a bookshop, Library, or buy
it from me (you can order it, at www.calm.com.au - you can also see what tapes
& CDs I have at the website), go to the Chapter on Memory.
I also
believe in the value of listening to Baroque Music especially selected at 60
beats to the minute - the heart then gets in time with the music and helps to
bring about relaxation. I have a selection of this music on my Accelerated
Learning Music CD and Tape double.
One of my
family members has recently been
diagnosed with schizophrenia. We're all feeling pretty out of our depth and
were wondering if you have any comments to help us?
Not being a
medical person, it is difficult for me to comment. There was a wonderful film
produced, not that long ago, called "A Beautiful Mind" based on the book by
Sylvia Nasar. It's a true story and I believe it has almost revolutionised
thinking about schizophrenia, and certainly provides a lot of hope. Hope is a
"live" message.
Meditation and relaxation techniques could be useful -
certainly working with improving self esteem and positive self talk would be
very helpful. I have had people who are suffering from schizophrenia attend my
seminars after they have received clearance from their doctor that they can do
meditation. In addition I received the following communication from somebody
who has experienced schizophrenia, which is encouraging:
I have had
four brief episodes with the illness and for each encounter I have made a full
recovery back to normal health. People who meet me now would have no idea or
any inclination about my past association with schizophrenia and those who do
know me even find it hard to believe that I ever suffered from such an illness
considering my present well-being. Although I rely on a small dose of
medication to sustain "normal" regular health, I no longer have the symptoms of
the illness. Many people take certain drugs to sustain normal health, even
having regular exercise sustains normal health. Having overcome this illness,
the most frustrating aspect I find is still being categorised and labelled as a
schizophrenic by the doctors and psychiatrists in the field of mental illness.
This is very inaccurate, and I will explain why. Health and harmony is the
natural state to be. Illness and discord prevents us from keeping that natural
state of being, and therefore any illness, no matter what that may be, is
something we are not. If we are fortunate, we may suffer for a short duration
and recover. If we are unfortunate, we may suffer for a long duration and may
never recover, but no matter what length of time it is upon us, we are not that
illness, because it is not the natural state of health. You never hear someone
who is diagnosed with cancer being called "a cancer." They are addressed as
"having cancer" or "suffering from cancer." Just as when we have a cold, you do
not label someone as "a cold." They are addressed as "having a cold" or
"suffering from a cold." Keeping this in mind, there are many other illnesses
that we label and categorize people as. Take diabetes. It would be far more
accurate to say, "they have diabetes" or "they suffer from diabetes", rather
than to address them as "a diabetic." I have met many people who do and have
suffered from schizophrenia, but never in all my life have I ever come across
"a schizophrenic." This is an issue that needs to be addressed, because for
those of us who have struggled with mental illness, and now lead normal lives;
being categorised as a schizophrenic (as opposed to being labelled as a
diabetic) can be very offensive and demoralising to who we truly are, for there
is so much prejudice and negative stigma, as mental illness is an issue that is
shunned and rejected by mainstream society. First and foremost we are a Human
Being who may just be struggling with, or may even have overcome, a particular
illness that prevents us from normal health. Either way, we are people of equal
value, just like anyone else.
Just recently I have written a
book called, "Into The Light Again." I wrote the book to provide hope for those
families and individuals still caught in the illness. It gives my personal
suggestions from my own experience on how to overcome this horrible nightmare
of the mind. These helpful suggestions can also be found on my website UNITY at
www.freeman33.com .
What actually are Mind Charts and how do you use
them?
A Mind Chart is a representation of words done
using pictures, symbols, colour and abbreviations. It is simple and
personal. There is quite a bit more detail on Mind Charting in my book
"Students Steps to Success" - an example is given in the book as to how to go
about making a Mind Chart. Mind Charts work on the premise that a picture
is worth a thousand words and they use both sides of the brain for
memory. We are deliberately incorporating the Right Brain to be used in
the process of memory as it is 400 to 4,000 times faster than the Left
Brain.
Often when you need to write an essay in an
exam, if the information needed has been summarised in a Mind Chart, it can
come flowing right back at the crucial moment. So prior to the exam you
make a Mind Chart and put this somewhere where you can see it often. In
the exam, you easily recall the Mind Chart and in fact reproduce it. Once
you've done this, it is a simple matter to then write your essay. Other
uses for Mind Charting could be to make shopping lists or speeches, or to solve
problems and challenges. Mind Charts can be useful for most people
(people with dyslexia have found them to be of enormous benefit, because of
their difficulty with reading).
Question 2:
I can't think of the right symbols to use and I
can't really draw.
As far as drawing is concerned - who
cares? Personally I use stick figures. Provided you thought about
it, it is the right symbol. If you have difficulty, try this. Close your eyes,
deep breath and relax. Let your mind float back through your past and recall
people you love, friends, Christmas, birthdays, parties, holidays, triumphs,
pets, sport, good times. Now look at your Mind Chart words. See if you can
connect any past experience, thought or emotion to any of the words. Make up a
simple symbol to represent this connection and add it to the Mind Chart.
Question 3:
I've tried, but I haven't yet made Mind Charts
work for me.
Mind Charts are an effective way of using your
whole brain to summarise and recall important information. Sometimes new things
take a while to perfect. There is no doubt, you achieve better results when you
use more of your brain!! Try working in a group and bring some humour into the
Mind Chart – it's often a key.
There are two ways of looking at a job.
One is that it's a means to an end so that in this way you gain satisfaction in
your social life and what you do after work, knowing that during work you are
using this as a stepping stone towards something else in your life.
Another way to look at it is that you love your
work so that you barely even regard it as a job - it's life.
Attitude is what it's really about. You
can do the most boring work in the world with a great attitude and feel good
about it. You do this with goals and knowing where it's going to lead
you. Approach every day knowing that you're going to learn something that
day, perhaps meet somebody interesting or have a positive influence on
someone.
Also, work with goals - that's important, and
ALWAYS keep your self talk positive.
Question 2:
Can I use your techniques to become
motivated?
I really think that motivation is a matter of
being able to motivate yourself. Nobody can motivate you for more than a
few days - it needs to last. Of course sometimes something inspirational
to an individual can spark that motivation, and perhaps my techniques may be
helpful for that. Principally, having a goal is what brings about
motivation. Actually what is happening when you're working towards your
goal, is expanding your subconscious mind with the positive success of
achieving the goal. In turn this is increasing your Comfort Zone.
You can imagine that when you have your goal in your subconscious mind, you in
fact will be feeling much, much better and motivation will flow.
I've heard that Baroque Music is useful for
study and relaxation - could you please tell me more about this?
Science has now shown that our heartbeat tends
to get in time with the music and thus we, in turn, relax and reach the alpha
brainwave state. When we relax the Reticular Activating Filter is open
and therefore information flows straight through to memory which is in the
subconscious mind. That's why specially selected Baroque Music
(with a timing of 60 beats per minute) is good for meditation and releasing
stress, accelerated learning techniques such as Lazanov's Passive Concert, and
for guided imagery and creativity. Use it as a background music for
studying - from mathematics to languages, or at work. Relaxation
increases productivity.
Question 2:
My son plays loud modern music when he's
studying - any comments please?
When music is fast and varies its timing, then
the heart will follow suit. Thus the Reticular Activating Filter will
remain closed allowing little information to flow through into memory.
This is an ineffective form of study, as it will take much longer to absorb the
material.
Question 3:
I find background baroque music distracting.
What shall I do?
You are not supposed to listen to the music
whilst it's in the background - your heart "listens" to it. My initial
thought would be to turn down the volume. If you cannot eventually adjust
to this background music, then turn it off – it's not an absolute
essential.
How about negative people – any tips on
how to handle them?
When you come in contact with negative people,
one good thing to do is just send out good thought waves, send out love for
instance (silently in your mind). Remember, whatever you give out, you get
back. So if you want love or good relationships and good thoughts then send out
love or good relationships or good thoughts. Many people often use negative
language and that's fine; some may not know the importance of being more
constructive. You just do your own thing, being positive and
constructive. Above all use the PP techniques and remain calm.
Question 2:
Often the group of people I'm mixing with use
negative language - does this have any effect on me?
Repetition can have an effect because it can go
into memory. If you experience a lot of emotion during the time you hear
negative language then it goes straight into memory. So yes, the answer
is that it does effect you - negatively. One thing you could do is
increase your own self esteem by moving away from this group of people. A
way to remain positive when negative language is around you is to actually
correct it immediately inside your own mind - in this way you are actually
putting up a barrier between the negative language that you hear and what
you're allowing in to your subconscious mind.
Question 3:
Some of my family are not believing in the
process I'm taking to work towards healing - any advice?
Dr Bernie Siegel in the movie "Leap of Faith",
advised his group of people who were working with a life-threatening illness,
to surround themselves with supportive people. If that meant excluding
some members of their own family, then so be it. Remember it's the people
who are close to you that you will actually take more notice of, so to protect
yourself during this taxing time you may need to completely cut yourself from
negative people, even if they happen to be a family member. I'm sorry if
this seems to be quite harsh, but when you have recovered, then normal
relations can resume.
What are your suggestions for handling repeated
negative self talk?
The first thing is to acknowledge the thought,
and congratulate yourself for becoming aware of the issue. If you were
not aware of the issue then you couldn't do anything about it. I actually
twist that famous philosopher Aristotles' words a little to be - when you
recognise a challenge (negative self talk), then you're half way through the
challenge. The next step is to decide whether you're going to do
something about it or not. If you choose yes, then you're 75% of the way
through the challenge. The last bit is doing it. And the techniques
that I espouse will teach you how to "do it".
What you need to do is to let the thought
go. My wife Sandra, just lets out a big breath, blowing the thought away
from her. In my seminars, I suggest letting the thought out through the
top of your head and then watch it going up and away from you - or onto an
escalator that is going away from you.
Or, replace the negative thought by saying your
new habit (or goal) immediately.
Question 2:
I get so angry with myself when I recognise my
negative self talk. Any suggestions?
It's always best to be kind to yourself.
Here's an analogy of how you would expand the comfort zone (subconscious mind)
of a 3 year old who didn't want to learn to swim. How do you teach the 3
year old to swim? First of all, all your talk is encouraging and
supportive. You probably hug the 3 year old, as you walk into a swimming
pool. The first lesson might well be just experiencing the water, as you
hold the child tight. The next time you take it into the water, you
probably get it to let go an arm and splash the top of the water - have a
little fun. The next time, the child is probably wearing a bubble and
water wings, and you're still holding them while they see that the bubble and
the wings keep them up. The next lesson may well be letting go the hands
of the child, as they realise that water is good fun. It won't be long
before the child is jumping into the pool. All that you've done here is
gradually expand the comfort zone of the child, as you give supportive,
encouraging talk, congratulating them all the way.
That's the way you need to talk to yourself, so
as you become aware of your negative talk, you congratulate yourself, and then
you change it, saying the positive self talk, and then encourage yourself with
positive self talk saying that every day, and in every way, you are getting
more and more positive.
Question 3:
How do I overcome recurring negative and
limiting thought patterns?
It's always best to talk to yourself as though
supporting a 3-year-old and get rid of unwanted thoughts by using the methods
of "letting them go", as described in the above two answers. If you find
this negative self talk is really persistent, then besides working with a goal
of saying that you are a wonderful, positive person, you could make your own
meditation tape. You would need to write the words down that would
specifically address the issues which are emerging, using personal, positive
and present tense language. The meditative state takes you down into the
Theta state, and this whole process will probably take about 15-20
minutes. It's a good way of changing habits in the subconscious mind.
An additional way is to write out in colour,
positive statements about yourself and put them in prominent places around your
home or working area (as long as it is private). This can be very
reinforcing in a visual way.
Which would be the better state in which to
control pain?
The Theta state is a better state to use for
controlling pain, but it can also be done in the Alpha state. Care must be
taken with use of language, because pain is a signal that something is wrong
with our body; it is necessary to find out what causes that pain. It's the hurt
that is in the pain that can be released. My tape or CD PP3 - Releasing
Hurt, is a meditation which goes for about 20 minutes. This meditation
takes us down into the Theta state where then the Guided Imagery steers us
through releasing the hurt out through the top of the head, and then bringing
in a healing colour to settle in and around the area of the pain.
What is the purpose of rolling my eyes up
and down as part of the 'Peaceful Place' process?
When we sleep at night our eyes roll upwards.
The little technique of rolling back the eyes is to "trick" the
subconscious mind into thinking you're going off to sleep (because the
subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality)
and therefore the subconscious mind starts the process of sleep. To
get to the sleep state we start off in the Beta brainwave state , then relax
into the Alpha state, down deeper into the Theta state and then into the Delta
sleep state. The conscious mind then comes in and says "we're just going to
Alpha". This method does not necessarily work for everyone - in fact in
some cases it can be a distraction and therefore it may work in reverse -
if this is the case for you then just don't do it. It's by no means a
"must".
Question 2:
I am having trouble finding a relaxing place for
my PP, and actually building it. What can I do?
Have you ever just sat and daydreamed about
doing something that you really like to do? Maybe like fishing, surfing,
swimming, skiing, mountain-climbing, etc... If you can bring that to mind
then that can be just as good. In other words, what I am saying is work
with reality. Know this, if you can go to sleep at night then it means
that you actually are going through the Alpha state (the PP state) in the
process of sleep so you really are doing it automatically and now you need to
teach youself to do it deliberately.
My first suggestion is to read the "Piece of
Mind" book from cover to cover, including just reading through all the words of
the Guided Imageries. Then, and only then, work with reality in using the
tape PP2 - Guided Imagery - even if the reality peaceful place that comes up
for you is one that occurred as a child.
Question 3:
How can I practise my Peaceful Place 20 times a
day if I am at work all day? Do I need to use the music?
No, you do not need the music. I am
assuming that you have built your PP, been there in 3 minutes and that you have
practised porpoising - now you want to make PP a habit. At work there are many
places to practise, some of them can be really useful too - places like:
just before you make or just after you have made a telephone call, at your
computer, before or during a meeting, before you interview someone, as you
switch focus to a new task, at any break (including the toilet) - are you
getting the idea? The main thing to work on is a number of ways that you can
remind yourself to do it.
Question 4:
How can I remind myself to go to my Peaceful
Place?
It really is important to develop and use your
Peaceful Place (PP) often. There are many reminder methods to do the 30
second practice of going to your PP and these include:
* Putting your watch on the other arm
* Wearing your watch upside down
* Putting a sticker on your watch so that it's
difficult to read
* Putting Stickers in every place that you can
think of where you've got 30 seconds to do your PP, eg. the bathroom mirror,
inside the shower, on your toothbrush, on the Mute button of the TV control, on
a special cup or glass that you drink out of, on your refrigerator, etc...
* Using a bookmark with PP written on it
* Using a message, screen saver or alarm on your
computer
* Putting something like a little furry animal
on your keyring (so that you feel it) - think of where this can be useful ...
before you drive away in your car, before you get out of your car, as you
arrive home and put the key in the front door, etc...
* Using jewellery, eg. getting a new ring,
changing a ring from one finger to another finger, wearing a bracelet,
etc...
* Using a diary
* Putting coins in your pocket
You see, what we're trying to do with all these
different reminder methods is to create some sort of interrupt pattern within
our consciousness so that it reminds us to immediately go to PP.
Remember, the job of the subconscious mind is to keep you where you are now, so
you see it will keep on creating doubt and indeed it doesn't want the
