Below is a Question and Answer Session I had at a follow up seminar which seems to cover a lot of ground, and summarises many of the aspects of goals.
Why is goal-getting challenging
Because it represents new learning experiences and change
Why are learning experiences challenging
Because they take place outside your Comfort Zone and make some people feel stressful, inadequate or uncomfortable.
How can relaxation help
By relaxing, you're able to put your goals into your subconscious mind and achieve them faster and without stress. This is because:
a. With relaxation, your body is relaxed whilst your mind is receptive. The "Filter" between the conscious and the subconscious mind is open, allowing information to pass easily into (or out of) your subconscious mind. This mind is the storehouse for memory, habits, personality and your self image.
b. It's a fact that the subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality. You can put your goal (whatever you want to achieve) into your subconscious mind as thought it's already true. Once your subconscious mind – the 88% part of your mind – has got it, then it becomes reality to the conscious mind – the other 12%. This way goals happen faster.
So what is the conscious mind's role in obtaining goals
Decision making, desire and direction of the subconscious mind. Once you know what you want to achieve - a better mark in an exam, a good relationship with your parents, to do well in your sporting pursuits - then it's the job of the conscious mind to get the goals into the subconscious.
If you know you want to achieve something consciously then why tell the subconscious mind
The answer to that question is the real key to success. The role of the subconscious mind is to keep you in your Comfort Zone with all the habits that you have now. If you want to change habits this can be stressful and therefore rejected by the subconscious mind. The conscious mind makes the decision to go for the goal and then reprograms it into the subconscious mind, in the relaxed state – this then means that both minds work in co-operation with each other.
Is there much conflict between the two minds
Yes there can be. The conscious mind wants the goal and the subconscious mind wants to keep you where you are right now and presents delays, doubts and obstacles to keep you from getting the goal. The conscious mind's job is to transfer what you want to achieve into the subconscious mind, where once in, it will become the new habit. When the subconscious mind has got it, then you achieve it… faster.
Can this be made any easier
Yes, by getting as much support as you can possibly muster. Support means anything/anyone that will help you achieve your goal. It's important to share your goal with only those people who will support and help you. This support may come from friends, family and teachers. The main thing is to ask for what you want – you deserve it!
Can you have a happiness goal
One of the things that the science of dreams has shown is that happiness is a journey. Happiness comes from moving towards a goal, not actually getting it. In fact, to remain happy, always have a goal that you are working towards. A famous guru describes the secret of happiness as "BE HAPPY". In other words a verb – a doing word. ATTITUDE is a real key – you can't buy happiness, can you? I'll be happy when I get through school. I'll be happy when I get a job. I'll be happy when I get a great partner. I'll be happy when I'm married. I'll be happy when we have a house. I'll be happy when we have children. I'll be happy when we go overseas. I'll be happy when… Have you seen or heard this before? Just remember BE HAPPY – it's an attitude.
How do you deal with failure
Well, it's true that only one person can come first in the 100 metre dash. So what about the person that comes second? Attitude once again is the answer. Believing that the failure is in fact "a hiccup in a forward direction" is a great start. Learning from "failure" and then modifying the goal is a good way forward. Knowing that you've done the best you can do – your personal best – is good, positive self talk. Another thing – sometimes failure happens when we're not "on course". We could be going for a goal which is not in harmony with our life's purpose or values. There is a part of us, inside, that knows what's right or wrong for us. If we go against what we know is right then we feel uncomfortable. "Failing" may be a signal to get back on track with what we really want. I know of so many people who have just missed out on a particular course – sometimes by ¼ of a mark. This has set them on a completely new course and, years later, they were really glad about that.
Is guilt part of that uncomfortable feeling
Yes, it can be. For instance, you may have a study goal and want to do really well in a test next week. Your friends convince you to go to a movie but you don't enjoy it because you're worried and feeling guilty about not being at home studying! Guilt is pointless. If you go to the movie – enjoy it. If you muck up over something or make the wrong choice, do whatever is necessary to correct it and get back on track. Don't hang on to the guilt – it's unnecessary and you can't turn back time.