There is also a form of mental “hoarding” that happens. Hanging on to old regrets, hurts, grievances, disappointments, breaches of trust or other bad experiences, that it would be better to let go. And more …. toxic habits, toxic friends! Does this have an effect on us? Of course it can be a very real burden and weigh us down. We can hang on to the good thoughts - that's OK. All we really should do is to neutralise the negative thoughts.
Who has done it to us? That’s right – we do it to ourselves. The good news is that anything we have done to ourselves we can change. We can release or “let go” this “baggage” which ultimately is strengthening and freeing.
When difficulties or conflict arise in relationships, (are all yours good?), there are many techniques to mend them. Working through the challenges with communication, maybe compromise and sometimes with a third party are the first steps. But what if it doesn’t work?
It is really interesting to talk to people who are in their “twilight years” about marriage. Invariably the expressed statements include:
· Divorce is too easy
· Both parties need to work at a marriage
· Marriage is not 50/50 it’s 60/60
· Expect hurdles and challenges and celebrate their repair
On the other hand in any friendship (relationship) it is important to keep your integrity, being true to yourself and not complying to a model of what you might think the other person wants. It’s easier to get over a lost relationship than it is to recover your identity! The end of love is not the end of life. It’s better to be on your own than to be in bad company and always remember, it’s impossible to force someone to love you. “Loving and respecting” yourself is always paramount.
If it becomes increasingly obvious that the difficulties are insurmountable then it may be time to call it quits and “let go”!
Some Good Things To Do
Avoid replaying old negative scenarios over and over again in your mind such as:
· bad decisions you may have made in the past
· past wrongs that you may have done to others
· past wrongs that have been done to you
· lost hopes.
Recognise petty annoyances so that you can release the little things in life as well. Annoyances such as:
· people talking on the footpath or in the supermarket aisle and blocking the way
· people perhaps lacking in manners when more than likely they’re just being thoughtless
· someone cutting you off on the road …… and many more
Take notice! Recognise your own negative emotion and your response to it with any of the items shown in the above examples. It is not worth the effect on you to respond with anger or annoyance – all of which takes its toll on your body and mind. Make a promise to yourself to show kindness, and courtesy every day. On the other hand there may be times when it is important for you to intervene and take action. An example of this could be if you witness a gross act of indecency or a serious social injustice and you fail to take what action is possible for you, then this could play on your conscience and in turn cause more stress.
Memory takes place with emotion. With all of these sorts of things they could well be forefront in our mind – will this affect you? Yes! Any negative emotion you recognise is a signal for you to take action by doing something about it.
What Action Can You Take?
Know that your happiness is not dependent on something outside yourself (which you have no control over). When we hold onto negative feelings or experiences we block the possibility of experiencing happiness in the now moment – the present. You create your happiness – you are responsible for it. (See Creating Happiness Intentionally). You cannot change the past no matter what – if it’s happened, then it’s fact – it’s happened – you can control your reaction (or response). It is a waste of time to spend the present brewing over what has happened in the past – the facts cannot be changed. Never waste your time waiting for somebody to apologise as it may never happen.
Be grateful for all your experiences – yes even the bad ones! We all have to face pain and disappointment some time in our lives. There are no guarantees in life and none of us know what is around the corner. If your time was limited you would surely want to live life to the full. Re-visit what I have written about gratitude at this link.
One key that I suggest is to eventually “let go”. In the case of Trauma Grief and Loss ”letting Go” of a loved one, no matter how they have died is essential. See my free E-Book. “Letting Go” helps to create and come to terms with the new reality – it never means forgetting them. I have a Meditation CD to help with Letting Go see it at this link and you can download it here.
Forgiveness is another key. Remember two main things about forgiveness, one is that you do it for yourself so that you can move on and secondly that forgiveness does not mean that you condone “the act”. Here are some links to my writings: one here and another here.
So Sandy, I am reminded that a day spent showing kindness and spreading love is a good day. Unconditional Loving is the third key. With acceptance and letting go, unconditional loving and forgiveness you can conquer any trauma that you experience in life.
All the best
"Your gift from God is your potential – Your gift to God is to use it."
The Next Seminar is Creating Happiness Intentionally.
BALI CHI Seminar, June 22nd - 29th, 2013 - you can get there and back for less than $800 with AirAsia. If you know your Life's Purpose and you work towards it, being GOAL directed, then you will only have success in Creating Happiness for yourself. Have a look at www.lifepurpose.com.au, do the exercises, read the testimonials and then book for the next one which is from June 22nd - 29th, 2013 in Bali and in Sydney August 21st - 25th, 2013. Remember for repeaters it is half price!
I still use my Peaceful Place and find it really helpful especially when the worries or stress of life become too much. I especially enjoy your monthly Mind Matters News Reports - so lovely and calming and these give me something up-to-date to send any friend who may be interested in learning your Life Skills. I always use your CDs when I meditate, they are GREAT!! just so valuable to me. I know I must not become stressed as every time this happens the words I want to say flash away from my mind and if I then go to my PP and calm myself down everything I need to say returns. I can honestly say you have the best Seminar and teachings I have ever learnt. They have given me an understanding of how my mind works and an understanding of its behaviour wanting to get me back where I was before, stressed and worried. I can now see what it is up to! If my mind wins again for a while I will soon correct it by meditating and telling myself how my mind is sabotaging me. All the best for the wonderful work you do. And THANK YOU!! C.W. NSW
Thanks for the Mind Matters News. My Peaceful Place is the same today as it was the first time I clearly saw it whilst attending one of your seminars. To be honest, I have trifled with other methods since then, but it is the Peaceful Place that I first envisaged that is and remains the means by which I attain a merging of heart, mind and will and a oneness and stillness in time. I am grateful for the priceless gift of this wonderful tool. Thank you Sandy. E.H. NSW
Increasingly the power of positive self talk and thinking is unfolding in my life. So many people have commented that I look positively different than before I did your seminar. The most influential factor in the year was definitely CHI and the genuine self love and acceptance I discovered there. A belief in myself and confidence that my goals will be reached. J.L. Tas